lenchua.blogspot.com

If they love you.

2011-11-19T21:52:00.002+11:00

People who truly care. Those who are worth your care.

Will never push a dagger into your heart.

You may get scratched by mistake.

But if they loved you, they will be the one holding the bandage.

Then, when they do, be sure to appreciate and to be grateful.

Ultimately, at its core, none of us deserve to be treated well.

To be cared for.

To be loved.

You. Him. Her. They. Me.

We are only loved because we are worth it. You only love those who are worth it.

Do not waste your time on those who would rather push a dagger into your heart.

So they can gain what is not rightfully theirs.

Waste your time on those who have offered you happiness and expect nothing in return.

You are important.

We are important.

So do what's important.

len.

Beautiful song and video.

2011-11-15T23:03:00.001+11:00

I am not emo.

Stress.

Just thought I should share this..somewhere.

Facebookless atm.

len.

One Day.

2011-11-11T00:34:00.002+11:00

One day, I will have the courage.

I will be ready to ask you.

I will be ready to listen to answers.

One day, when I am ready..

len.

We.

2011-10-30T02:03:00.002+11:00

Maybe it was never meant to be.

It may be signs.

Or mere coincidences.

Either way, this story still remains sad and gloomy.

You can do whatever you want.

Just remove this disease, please....

I am on my knees.

len.

Not part of my plan.

2011-10-29T02:28:00.003+11:00

This surprise..

I never thought it would change so many parts of me.

Sometimes I wish I could go back 3 years.

And take a different path.

To be a different me.

len.

I am counting on you.

2011-10-28T19:30:00.000+11:00

Tell me things will get better.

len.

Prayer.

2011-10-27T02:30:00.000+11:00

Silently I pray.

For the pain to go away.

For her and for me.

I hope whoever out there can hear our silent prayers.

And give us the strength we need.

len.

Human.

2011-10-25T15:26:00.000+11:00

No matter how rich you are.

No matter how good looking you are.

No matter how smart you are.

No matter how strong or brave you are.

We are still all the same.

We are human.

And we all have emotions.

Give yourself a break.

I love you.

len.

I envy.

2011-10-24T21:52:00.000+11:00

To be confident.

To be fearless and brave.

To have no regrets.

If you think about it properly.

One can only have that kind of mindset only if they are somewhat in denial.

Contradicting but true.

I think.

len.

A night in.

2011-10-19T14:52:00.000+11:00

Clubbing in my room.
Crazy.

len.

Say what?

2011-10-18T23:56:00.001+11:00

So this is the first time I received an email asking me for advice.

@alan: If you're a person that likes physical comfort, don't go into a ldr. If you think there is a slight chance that one day, you will fall for a "better" girl who is right beside you, don't go into a ldr. If deep down, you know you're not a loyal guy, don't break another girl's heart, don't go into a ldr.

@heretic: To be honest, it's a little freaky knowing strangers read my blog cause I thought mine was a dead one. But thanks. haha

len.

So far away.

2011-10-18T01:00:00.000+11:00

Missing someone for far too long can turn into pain and sadness.

When will the wait end? :'(

len.

Wake up call.

2011-09-30T17:38:00.000+10:00

Today, I received a phone call. Bad news.

To be honest, deep down, I always knew that this was gonna happen one day.

I always didn't want to admit it.

Now, I feel utterly demotivated and disappointed.

I used to believe that I was smart.
Not a genius, but someone capable of intelligent conversations.

But, after that phone call..

..I could only hear, "Ellen, you're fucking stupid" in my head.

Yeah, I could always blame the causal of my uncontrollable emotions last year.

I could make an excuse and say it was all their fault.

But who am I kidding.

No matter how you comfort me or what you say, I will always know that it was my own doing.

And the worse part is, there is nothing I can do about it. :')

I wasn't like this before. I swear I wasn't.

Where is Ellen. Where has she gone to?

len.

Quack.

2011-09-20T18:03:00.000+10:00

When the sun is out, all them ducklings couldn't wait to go out.

But where was the ugly duckling?

len.

Tsk me.

2011-09-19T21:25:00.000+10:00

Photoshoot in ma room.

If only I looked as good without make up. lol.

len.

New discovery #1: Natalie Tran

2011-09-07T03:12:00.000+10:00

Omg. I spent like 2 hours watching her videos.

She's so funny!
But you kinda have to be a little "dirty minded" to understand her.

Not that I'm dirty minded but youknowwhatimeanwhenyouwatchit.

Yay youtube. Spent too much time on it.

len.

Fiction can be Real. Rewind.

2011-09-03T17:22:00.000+10:00

The actors may not be as professional.

But the idea behind it is just, beautiful.

len.

Confident and Cocky.

2011-08-29T23:59:00.000+10:00

Lol, I actually wanted to write something about boobs. Might just tell that story next time.

* * *

Sometimes I wonder how some people can be ugly.. and be so confident at the same time.

What do you do with all the "snares" man?

Especially from the mean girls.

MY GOODNESS.

It's as though they have some kind of weapon to vaporize you just by looking at you.

A few days ago, a small part of my thigh fats was squeezing to breathe and then BOOM, you could see her eyes just -VAPORIZE- at you.

Okay, thanks, I get that I have fat thighs, you can stop staring now.

Anyways, the point is. How do you be confident and not cocky?

I have yet to meet someone who is confident but not cocky.

Being sure of yourself and not be overly naive and idiotic-sounding.

Can't stand cocky people man. Whothehellyouthinkyouareman.

People don't get that being humble but confident makes you cooler, more likeable.

Because hey, people do not need to be told that you're AWESOME AND SOOO AMAZING.

So, hey, if you're a cocky person. Tone it down a little.

If not, just admit it.

len.

Domesticated.

2011-08-27T22:11:00.000+10:00

I need to get out of the house more.

It's getting boring.

len.

Burn.

2011-08-27T01:39:00.000+10:00

Should I start my journey now? Or am I risking too much.

Journey.

2011-08-26T22:35:00.000+10:00

Since no one reads this anyways. I might as well pour my heart out.

Or not. It is quite dangerous.

Several times, people have been telling me, "First time I met you, I thought you were...

.. fierce"

.. strong"

.. confident"

HA. The last two is a definite no-no.

I have yet to find my self-esteem, which I think I misplaced somewhere.

Yeah yeah, I get the whole, "You're smart, pretty, you can do so many things, dance also...."

So what?

Millions of people probably could be that.

So am I depressed? Am I so sad and self esteem-less that I can't do shit?
Well, duh no. I'm not crazy. I'm just exaggerating anyways.

But what keeps me going?

The journey.

I know for sure, that when I stand at the edge of the world, I will still find my self esteem missing.

But it is not what I am searching for.

I'd rather live as a beggar, jump from a cliff, scream, sob, tear myself apart, laugh, get drunk, dance until my feet hurt, ride a super-bike, plant a tree, earn a million and donate it to charity, build my house from scratch..

What I care about most, is not my self-esteem.

It is the journey to where my self-esteem is not.

len.

Back to square one.

2011-08-24T02:13:00.000+10:00

Just like waking up from a dream. It's happening again and I hate it.

New grounds.

2011-08-03T18:13:00.001+10:00

I now see what an idiot I was.

It is time to reinforce.

Thou' shall not fail.

len.

Mood.

2011-08-02T18:05:00.000+10:00

I do not need words to know.

Maybe you do.

len.

Adrian Tan

2011-08-01T21:00:00.000+10:00

One of our first pictures together during my Winter break this year.

Bahh i hate long distance.

len.

Time.

2011-07-31T21:52:00.000+10:00

I don't have enough time.

I don't wanna work so soon.

But I want time to fly so I can see him again.

But there's just so much readings.

I need time.

Or not.

len.

Better days.

2011-06-21T20:43:00.000+10:00

Now and then, I'd go onto youtube and search for the few old chinese songs my dad use to play on the radio. We'd sit in the car for hours listening to the same track over and over again.

I'd sit there comfortably and stare blankly out the window.

I'd look at the happy clouds and cows laying around.

Sometimes, also thinking of that primary school crush of mine.

Every trip back to our Kampung, it's still the same routine.

Songs played over and over again.

But whats different is that.

Things used to be so much more simpler back then.

len.

Distracted.

2011-06-20T16:12:00.000+10:00

"Library, is a collection of sources, resources, and services, and the structure in which it is housed" - Wikipedia.

I reckon the main definition should be, "Library, a place for students to avoid distraction, to study". (keyword avoid)

Nobody borrows books from the library as often anymore anyways.

Heck, we usually bring our own books to the library.

Ahh, here's an idea. The library should sponsor all our textbook purchases. :D And go bankrupt.

ANU should be like University of Queensland too.

UQ dumped all their Biology books to another library and left one library open 24 hour so their students can burn the midnight oil.

There's just not enough study tables in ANU's Chifley library.

I have to literally cross my legs on the chair because they decided to put boxes under the table.

len.

Rule the World.

2011-06-18T22:46:00.000+10:00

So, I'm taking a short break from studying.

All this studying is making me wish that some lifeless genius in the world somewhere, could invent and share with me, a machine that can directly input knowledge into my head, like a computer.

I'd be the world's second smartest human being (assuming the genius is smarter than me).

I'd rule the world!

But why would I want to rule the world? :S
I'd have to think of rules to actually rule the world. It will take up too much space in my already packed, but big head.

Deciding on how to ensure every supermarket has cordoned off half of their premise to sell sweets and sweets only.

Also, that every country would be named after sweets too. Snakes, Coca-cola Bottle, Nano..

Ohhh, not forgetting, naming one of the countries, M&M .... peanut. Its flag would be yellow in colour.

Okay, back to accounting.

len.

Lost meaning.

2011-06-08T23:23:00.000+10:00

I strive to be perfect. And end up feeling imperfect.

But, I can't give up. I'm not allowed to.

In the end, it's still never enough.

So many voices in my head. I can never listen to just one.

len.

Hardship.

2011-06-06T21:49:00.000+10:00

They say. You can see how a person's future would be, just by looking at their face.

Maybe these eye bags under my eyes and my droopy eyes..

..says something too.

len.

Fear.

2011-06-05T19:28:00.001+10:00

Just a back up?

Do I just be that way too?

len.

But I can't.

2011-06-03T23:30:00.001+10:00

I don't wanna give a shit.

What am I doing.

Who am I.

len.

Friends and Work.

2011-06-02T18:46:00.001+10:00

I finally understood why a friend of mine said this:

"I usually don't like to work with friends."

Too much expectations involved.

You can never just say 'it's purely business'.

Cause it never is.

PS: Dear friends, please do not take offence in this. Just thoughts!

len.

I can't make this over.

2011-06-01T22:57:00.000+10:00

You become less significant.

When you're not in their lives.

Out of sight, out of mind.
It's probably true.

len.

Dual minds.

2011-05-31T22:30:00.001+10:00

This evil is eating the insides of me.

It doesn't help if I shout and scream.

Even, the hero, only appears in my dreams.

You can almost feel. But it is only a dream.

This is no fairytale or happy ending.

This is the part where lost soldiers find home and peace.

Sometimes, I want to say, "fuck this shit".

But I'm bonded by this invincible rope.

And nobody knows.

I am just a hopeless prisoner.

Doing my time.

Waiting for my death sentence.

Or waiting to be set free.

But even so, I'll never knew what my hands have done.

len.

Just not for me.

2011-05-28T00:37:00.000+10:00

I can't say anything.

Show anything.

Just have to suck it in.

Shut up and be like this..

len.

Just too sweet.

2011-05-25T22:57:00.000+10:00

Forever can never be long enough for me
Feel like I've had long enough with you
Forget the world now we won't let them see
But there's one thing left to do

Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way
Marry Me
Today and every day
Marry Me
If I ever get the nerve to say
Hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Together can never be close enough for me
Feel like I am close enough to you
You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love
And you're beautiful
Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way
Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Promise me
You'll always be
Happy by my side
I promise to
Sing to you
When all the music dies

And marry me
Today and everyday
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Marry me
Mm-hmm

- Train.

Cooking.

2011-05-22T23:13:00.000+10:00

So dead tired.

But I'm trying to make this as we speak. Yeah it's 11pm.

Gingko Barley and Foo Chuk.

Mine looks like this.

LOL. yeah...doesn't look like it. LOL

wish me luck.

len.

Study.

2011-05-19T13:40:00.000+10:00

Attempting to pay attention in class.

Info System 1001. Pretty damn boring. heh

I should feel the urge to study by now, shouldn't I.

Exams in a month though.

hmmm

len.

Vainpot.

2011-05-18T12:59:00.001+10:00

Fb profile?

Or too flashy. lol

len.

Gloomy Skies.

2011-05-16T17:12:00.000+10:00

Beside me, a wall of books.

I hear little whispers, "study"

But my mind is filled with my heart.

When my heart reflects the gloomy skies.

Little things stir up thunder and lighting.

Created by me.

Triggered by those who would want me drenched.

Maybe because I am a plasticine.

Maybe too, that this weather is really affecting me.

len.

Acceptance.

2011-05-10T20:39:00.001+10:00

All the flaws.

You were right.

len.

This is love.

2011-05-08T22:53:00.000+10:00

len.

Too emo for you?

2011-05-05T23:56:00.000+10:00

Then gimme this.

len.

Strength.

2011-05-03T01:12:00.000+10:00

This is but a word.

An idea that is priceless and sacred.

A drop from a river of belief, light and imagination.

Only to be seen by the eyes of hope.

A smell of roses and scar from thorns.

A birth from a birth.

A gift of love.

len.

Sparkle.

2011-04-30T01:14:00.000+10:00

"When you're happy, you sparkle."

Sweetest thing from a sweet heart.

len.

LOL

2011-04-27T16:27:00.001+10:00

Two of my guy friends were chasing after one another in the house.

Guy A got scared so he ran straight into my room.

He tried closing the door but Guy B was too fast.

Then, he took my bra and dangled it at Guy B. (Yes, dangled.)

Guy B saw, freaked out, screamed and ran way.

len.

You are perfect to me.

2011-04-25T22:28:00.000+10:00

len.

We are.

2011-04-22T11:22:00.000+10:00

Strangers, again.

Andy Mckee - Rylynn

2011-04-16T00:31:00.001+10:00

Love and peace sound like this.

len.

Evil.

2011-04-14T00:39:00.001+10:00

Now?

Definitely that side.

len.

Charmed

2011-04-12T23:36:00.000+10:00

Good and Evil.

A never ending war.

Angels and Demons.

In my mind.

Fight to keep a balance.

Fight for peace and love.

Fight for what is right.

Fight for what I want.

But which side am I on.

len.

It was me.

2011-04-10T22:57:00.000+10:00

'You get hurt the most from the people you love the most.'

Love. Family. Friends.

Maybe, I never understood that.

Maybe, it's time I accept it.

len.

Black Hole.

2011-04-07T15:27:00.000+10:00

My guard is up. My wall is up.

I'm lost and confused.

Maybe I have fallen far worse than I thought.

My light is dying.

len.

Stand in.

2011-04-06T20:26:00.000+10:00

Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even.

- The Script.

len.

Find me.

2011-04-06T11:11:00.000+10:00

When I needed you the most.

Where were you.

len.

Care.

2011-04-06T10:45:00.000+10:00

The difference between you and me.

len.

Leona Lewis - My hands

2011-04-04T23:05:00.000+10:00

I talk about you now
And yeah I do without crying
I go out with my friends now
I stay home all alone
And I don't see you everywhere
And I can say your name easily
I laugh a little louder
Without you and

I see different shades now
and I I'm almost never afraid now
But when I think I'll be okay
I am always wrong.

len.

Braindead.

2011-04-03T23:01:00.000+10:00

It's different.

When you're tired and you care. And

When you're tired and you don't care.

len.

If only, this was yours.

2011-04-03T02:42:00.000+11:00

Whatever it takes - Lifehouse

len.

Hey, look here.

2011-04-02T01:23:00.000+11:00

Carve me out.

len.

You hear, hear me.

2011-04-01T21:41:00.000+11:00

The Man Who Can't Be Moved.

len.

Linda Kiraly

2011-03-31T22:04:00.000+11:00

I want the end to begin but not without you,
so easy for me to speak not complete my actions,
divide me that way I can love and hate you baby,
torn between stayin' or keepin' you with me,
I can't let go.

This love is so dysfunctional,
It leaves me so emotional,
can't take it anymore but I can't let go.
I try my hardest to break free,
I'm so locked up and you got the key,
I'm in way too deep and I can't let go.

len.

Thief.

2011-03-31T09:37:00.000+11:00

Please, take all my precious belongings.

Just remove your dagger and I'll give you what you need.

I know you meant no harm but..

.. I too, need to be a thief.

len.

In your eyes.

2011-03-30T11:50:00.000+11:00

Rid off the dreams, hopes and memories.

Do you even see me?

len.

Reaping in.

2011-03-29T12:50:00.000+11:00

My wants would be insignificant.

As I walk down this road.

These lights slowly distinguish.

As though, this double sided blade is blunt.

Carrying my treasures, with a damaged hand and heart.

If only, I surrendered to amnesia.

So where do i go now.

With my treasures, damaged hand and heart.

len.

By Jenn.

2011-03-27T22:01:00.000+11:00

Open up your eyes and look at me
don't say goodbye, yet.
don't say goodbye.

I promise that I will take away my pride
and I'll tell you the reason
I'll try to tell you the reason

It's sad to have gone this far and just leave
cause we're two of a kind
I'm not giving you the excuses
believe when I say that I love you

But this song is not telling you why I love you
I'm walking away
Just a chance to let it all go
I've given my all...
I'll be the weak one here
I give up

I tried to tell you what's in my heart
It doesn't seem to show, why?
It doesn't seem to show.

You never let me into your heart
I can't cry anymore
I can't cry anymore

It's sad to have gone this far and just leave
cause we're two of a kind
I want to be in your arms and just breathe
with the beat of your heart.

But this song is not telling you why I love you
I'm walking away
Just a chance to let it all go
I've given my all...
I'll be the weak one here
I give up

Open up your eyes and look at me
Now you can say goodbye.

len.

Falling.

2011-03-26T12:58:00.000+11:00

I had the key in my pocket.

I stood there wondering where does this lead me.

As the pictures lay across the floor behind me.

I hoped that the floor could crumble slowly.

And give me some time as I grabbed as many.

But, the pictures too, dissolved into thin air.

As though, it was never there.

Ego and disappointment, came to torture me.

Then, faith, hope and these pictures couldn't help no more.

And so I ran out of the door to avoid the sinking floor.

Then, I stood infront of this castle.

Watching it fall, piece by piece.

Burying me with it.

len.

I'm sorry.

2011-03-26T02:52:00.001+11:00

I have given my all.

len.

Voices.

2011-03-25T15:56:00.000+11:00

Be confident.
You're beautiful.

Be more appreciative and grateful.

Don't be too nice.

Don't be afraid.

Be strong.

Don't be sensitive.

Little whispers.

len.

Rain.

2011-03-23T18:45:00.000+11:00

I like the sound of rain.

When you hear little kids laughing and giggling.

When you're lying next to your love.

When the rhythm calms your mind.

When you hear silence.

I like the sound of rain.

len

Unsettling.

2011-03-16T23:31:00.000+11:00

I can't sit right.

I can't think straight.

I can't see clearly.

Pave my way.

Hold my hand.

Or run away.

Just promise that when I open my eyes, I see light.

len.

Losing my grip.

2011-03-12T00:23:00.000+11:00

It's dropping..

I'm slipping.

len.

End.

2011-03-10T00:33:00.000+11:00

What would you do if you knew that the end is near?

Spread the word.

Keep it a secret.

Live like you're dying.

Or.

Act like nothing's gonna happen.

len.

Inspiring Stuff.

2011-03-08T15:02:00.000+11:00

http://www.ted.com/talks/james_cameron_before_avatar_a_curious_boy.html

Worth your time.

len.

Crystal Ball.

2011-03-07T23:11:00.000+11:00

I'd think about my future.

Then about what I wanna do in my life.

Sometimes, I'd just do nothing and slack all day.
Sometimes, I'd do everything, try everything.

Hoping to avoid regret, wasted time..

..and get the best out of everything.

But then again, slacking is fun.

len.

Dream.

2011-02-27T21:42:00.000+11:00

I'd wake up and force myself to sleep.

To catch a glimpse, to have a taste of just..

..a dream.

len.

Refill.

2010-12-24T02:26:00.000+11:00

Can someone give me a refill?

I think I'm about to reach empty.

len.

Christmas this year.

2010-12-23T01:45:00.000+11:00

Dear Santa,

I want..

..my mum, dad, sister, brothers, friends and loved one to be happy.

Santa, that's my only wish this year.

len.

Little pieces.

2010-12-21T02:30:00.000+11:00

Picked up little pieces along the way.

Kindness ..

Colours ..

Smiles ..

Love ..

len.

Lost.

2010-12-18T19:06:00.000+11:00

I need to find a way back.

Hey stranger, do you know the way?

len.

Q & A.

2010-12-11T01:34:00.000+11:00

When we just met, I am trouble-less.

As you get to know me, I am the question.

When you know me, I am trouble.

After awhile, you'd realise, I become the answer.

You ready for this?

len.

Greetings from work.

2010-12-06T16:42:00.000+11:00

I've tried opening hotmail, msn, google search and of course, facebook.

All kena blocked except for blogger.
Of all websites, blogger. :S

Yeah, I'm that bored now.
Sigh. Somebody save me.

len.

Words and truth.

2010-12-04T20:56:00.000+11:00

I just finished reading a conversation I had with someone.

It was a long time ago when it happened.

The conversation was full of anger, sadness and disappointment.

But reading it now, I now understand what that person said at the time, was true.

It held a lot of hurt but it also held truth and hope.

I locked everything away.

Reading it felt like keys were falling from the sky.

I unlocked everything and I am now..

..free.

len.

WORKING

2010-12-02T22:56:00.001+11:00

SUCKS. period.

len.

Handle myself.

2010-11-29T15:15:00.001+11:00

Sigh.

I gotta be more focused and grow stronger.

Toughest part of life.

len.

Pieces of me.

2010-11-26T15:07:00.000+11:00

I can only give so much.

It's probably time for you to realize that you need a change.

And you better do it fast before I explode.

len.

Test.

2010-11-26T03:14:00.000+11:00

Are you strong enough to push through?

Are you quick enough to play the game?

Are you brave enough to step up?

We will see now, wouldn't we.

len.

Yong Tau Fu

2010-11-25T18:20:00.000+11:00

I've been craving for yong tau fu since.. forever.

Two days in a row, the lady told us "sell finish already".

Sigh.

Yo aunty! Give me my Yong Tau Fu can?

len.

Happy things.

2010-11-25T02:12:00.000+11:00

It'd be so nice if I had just one of these cute buggers.

They could make me laugh everyday.

len.

Castle.

2010-11-22T00:30:00.000+11:00

Our castle is falling down.

I hope I have the strength to hold it up.

len.

10 months.

2010-11-20T17:51:00.000+11:00

A year hasn't passed yet.

But, it feels like I'm beginning a new chapter already.

After 10 months of

laughter,

tears,

studying,

partying,

work,

gym,

politics,

fights,

conflicts,

travelling,

happy, sweet, memories..

It's time for me to go home.

len.

Impossible.

2010-11-18T03:29:00.001+11:00

Till the day I stumble upon someone with no intentions.

len.

Strong.

2010-11-14T01:16:00.000+11:00

I'll be the glue and the pillar of support.

Count on me.

len.

Seventh Wheel.

2010-11-13T01:05:00.000+11:00

Well, it is a little awkward. lol

len.

Pictures of me.

2010-11-10T17:31:00.000+11:00

No more examsssssssssssss
I'm sure facebook updated everyone. lol

Went shopping with little debbiewong.

Shopping wasn't as fruitful as I thought it would be.

But oh well.

I kinda needed the retail therapy anyways.

Cute right??

Wanted to get it but it was too expensive and it wasn't fitted that well.

Since I won't actually get to buy the dress..

..pictures will do?

len.

Little sunshine.

2010-11-08T20:06:00.000+11:00

The rain stopped.

And then..

..I saw a rainbow.

len.

She's so beautiful.

2010-11-07T15:11:00.001+11:00

Poh Zi Ying. 7/11. I love you.

len.

Silver Lining.

2010-11-06T16:15:00.000+11:00

My dark cloud has a silver lining.

..which is a good thing.

len.